Good news ~ just five stomach flus from my goal weight.

I was at 6 to go, but this week I got one out of the way. So yay for me! (Of course I'm joking). To be honest today was kind of a bummer. I ended up kinda feeling melancholy and even a little depressed after spending one whole day & a couple partial days sick in bed with what Gramma would refer to as "dietary upset." The flu! Kevin stayed home to care for the boys and me on Wednesday and nicely enough had today, Friday, off too. So here I was in bed, listening to tons of music (much of which were old tunes that come with baggage - good and bad - just memories, as music almost always does for me). Sometimes I wonder if everyone is as sensitive to music, or life for that matter, as I am. It would be so much easier if I could just get over it! (And by "it" I mean life). Instead I feel so fragile at times. A good song can make me weepy for a day or more - and if I hear it the day after that, I will probably cry again as if I didn't know what was coming. And my heart gets so heavy thinking about all the pain in the world (or even just in my little circle of friends) and while I'm confessing, I'll say I'm weighed down at times by decisions of the past, both right and wrong, and all the ramifications, etc.

Today while I was having a good cry, Kevin said, "I haven't seen you cry in a while." And he doesn't count when I see something touching on tv or hear a song and tear up (like oh my goodness - that show with Shaq helping those chubby kids get fit and make friends - what are you trying to do to me, Shaq)! So partially, I was due a good cry (the Shaq show has been over for weeks), but sometimes I do cry alone. Not because I don't have anyone to comfort me, but because sometimes I like to be alone with my tears. Crying is good for my soul sometimes. I need it, doesn't everyone from time to time? I'm convinced that ultimately, everything would eat me up inside if I didn't know that no matter what, God is in charge AND if I didn't get my tears out. God made me that way I guess.

People like me really need to keep everything in perspective (even if half the time it doesn't mean a thing). And the perspective I like to keep is: God is good and He loves me. This world seems long, but it is short; live in the present, don't let the joys and sorrows of today pass you by. Simple and to the point, just hard to do sometimes with so many memories.

As I look back, I feel I've done my best (mostly) to live in a way that would be pleasing to Jesus and there is a peace that comes from knowing He turns all things to good for those who love Him (Rom 8:28). I know God wants me/us to depend on Him for strength in all things & I truly don't know what I'd do if I didn't have such a huge, amazing God who sees even the tiniest details of our lives and notices all my tears, watching over me and comforting me. I think I'm just in a period of reflection as my 10-year high school reunion is coming up and there is so much going on in my head - issues with my mom and some good friends that I hadn't really worked through and still really affect me - sensitive me. Could being so sensitive be one of those 'generational curses' people talk about? Sometimes I wonder...

Wouldn't this be a great night for Last Comic Standing to be on? Go Amy Schumer.

Anyway, enough about that...here are some scriptures that have guided me and affirm my path. I'm a little heavy with the Romans verses, I've always been a little stuck on Romans - I think I liked it because it gave me some absolutes. 'What to do when' type answers. I also am partial to wisdom. Scripture speaks so highly of wisdom, it has always been something I've prayed for. Hopefully the verses to follow will encourage you & inspire you as they have me. Obviously there are some contextual issues, but hopefully you will get the gist. So here it is - all about life in Christ, according to Romans & 2 Corinthians, etc. (And kind of jumbled).

And a bonus verse about wisdom...
James 3:17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure. It is also peace-loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.

And, what the hay, another bonus verse, just 'cause...
Rom 12:9-12 Don't just pretend to love others, really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of good. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy in your work but serve the Lord enthusiastically. Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble and always be prayerful.

Here's a funny one from today of Cade tickling Callum. I'm so thankful for my boys!

Tonight I actually felt like I could stomach something for the first time in a while so we went to the Whole Foods Market Cafe (the deli/sushi bar/cafeteria-style eatery at Whole Foods Market). It all started out fine - and then I let Cade sample of bread with blue cheese spread on it. Well, you know how Cade is (quick gag reflex to whatever he doesn't fancy) so he threw up everything. Yes - EVERYTHING - he'd eaten a bunch of noodles at home before we left - right in the middle of the cafeteria. Blech. And he threw up in my hand so that was gross. (Why do moms have that reflex to reach out, as if we think maybe we can stop it somehow)? So that was mildly amusing/horrifying. I mean, it was kinda funny, but I felt really bad for the people nearby. Seriously that kind of thing anywhere makes me lose my appetite quick and here we were at a restaurant.

So this evening has been nice - getting out & talking with some peeps helped get me out of the funk I've been in today. Cade was really looking forward to me playing the guitar with him after we put Callum to bed so that was fun. (Don't get the wrong idea - I stink at guitar - but I'm getting better...Cade helps me practice because he strums with the pick and sings while I play the chords). Kevin had his draft tonight for the family fantasy football league (which, I'm informed, is his hobby now that softball season is over).

If you think of it, please say a prayer for my sister-in-law, Abbe - she was due Aug. 21 and has yet to have the baby. Her parents are here from TX visiting and each time I hear her voice she seems to be her same usual cheerful Abbe-self. (I don't remember myself being so cheerful when I was a week over due and I could probably find a couple of people to vouch for that without any trouble). When it's time, the baby will come - I'm sure of that! I'm just hoping to meet him/her before it gets to the point where Abbe has to be induced (she'd really rather let things happen naturally if possible).

Thanks for bearing with another lengthy post. I may read through in the morning and delete some. I guess a blessing in sickness is it makes me slow down and think...even if it hurts a bit.